“I’m fine.” It is perhaps one of the most common answers young people give when asked how they are doing. Sometimes, it is true. Other times, it is simply the easiest answer.
Behind a smile in a lecture hall may be anxiety, behind an active social media account may be loneliness, behind good grades may be overwhelming academic pressure. Yet when someone asks, “Are you okay?”, the response is often an automatic, “I’m fine.”
For many university students and young people, talking about mental health remains difficult. The problem is not necessarily that they have nothing to say, rather they may fear what will happen if they say it.
One major reason young people hide their struggles is the fear of judgment. In many communities, mental health difficulties are still misunderstood.
A person experiencing emotional distress may be described as weak, lazy, dramatic or simply unable to handle life. Some young people therefore choose silence because they do not want to be labeled as such.
For a university student, this fear can be particularly strong, nobody wants to become “the student with a mental health problem” in the eyes of course mates or friends.
As a result, someone who desperately needs support may continue pretending that everything is normal. Research involving university health care students in Nigeria found that greater mental health needs were associated with greater stigma, while willingness to use medical services and support from family and friends were associated with lower stigma.
“I have to be strong,” these are the words most young people use; young people are also constantly encouraged to be strong. Students hear phrases such as “Everybody is going through something, you just have to be strong or don’t let it get to you.”
While resilience is valuable, these messages can sometimes unintentionally teach young people that expressing emotional difficulties is a sign of weakness.
A student struggling with academic pressure may therefore continue attending lectures, submitting assignments and participating in social activities while privately feeling overwhelmed. The ability to function does not always mean that someone is doing well.
The pressure to succeed; university life comes with its own collection of expectations. Students are expected to perform well academically, make friends, build careers, manage finances and prepare for the future. At the same time, social media constantly exposes young people to images of people who appear to be succeeding, traveling, making money and living perfect lives.
Comparison can make ordinary struggles feel like personal failures. A young person may think, “Everyone else seems to be doing fine. Why am I struggling?.” Instead of talking about it, they keep quiet.
Another reason young people hide their struggles is the fear of burdening others. Some students worry that telling their parents will make them anxious, others do not want to disturb their friends with their problems, some believe that everyone around them already has enough problems of their own, so they become good at saying, “I’m okay,” even when they are not. But asking for support does not automatically make someone a burden.
Another reason young people hide their struggles is the fear of burdening others. Some students worry that telling their parents will make them anxious, others do not want to disturb their friends with their problems, some believe that everyone around them already has enough problems of their own, so they become good at saying, “I’m okay,” even when they are not. But asking for support does not automatically make someone a burden.
Human beings need relationships, and emotional support is part of those relationships.
The social media also plays a role in this; social media has created another layer of complexity. Young people can share almost everything online except how they genuinely feel. It is easy to post achievements, birthdays, outings and funny moments but It is much harder to post, “I’m struggling and I need someone to talk to.” This creates an illusion that everyone else is doing better.
At the same time, social media has also become a place where some young people seek mental health information and emotional support.
In Nigeria, recent reporting has highlighted how people facing limitations to traditional mental health care are increasingly turning to digital and AI-based services for emotional support. However, professionals also warn that such tools have limitations and should not replace appropriate professional care.
So, what can we do? the solution begins with changing the way we respond when someone finally opens up. Instead of immediately saying, “Others have it worse,” we can listen. Instead of laughing at someone’s vulnerability, we can take them seriously. Instead of assuming that a struggling person is weak, we can understand that asking for help can be an act of courage.
Universities also have an important role to play; students need accessible and trustworthy mental health support, safe spaces for conversation and clear information about where to seek help. Friends, lecturers, families and student organizations can contribute by creating environments where asking for help is not treated as something shameful. Most importantly, young people need to understand that they do not have to wait until they are completely overwhelmed before talking to someone they trust or seeking appropriate professional support.
Beyond “I’m fine,” mental health is not something that should only be discussed when there is a crisis. Sometimes, the person who says “I’m fine” really is fine, and sometimes, “I’m fine” means: “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling, I’m afraid you won’t understand, I don’t want you to judge me, I don’t want to become a burden.” Perhaps the question we need to ask young people is not simply, “Are you fine?,”
Perhaps we need to create relationships and communities where they feel safe enough to answer honestly because sometimes, the greatest help we can offer someone is not having the perfect words; It is making them feel that they do not have to hide behind the words “I’m fine”.
Babalola Gift Titilayo is a 200 level student of University of Ibadan, Nigeria
